Waiting in the Wings

I went to see my psychiatrist today. Yep. I have Bipolar Disorder and possibly some kind of schizophrenoform disorder as well.

I went to see Dr D today. I told him that I would like to try a different disorder. We laughed. But seriously, I am tired of always feeling tired and of not being able to really "feel" at the moment.

The upshot is that I get to trial a lower dose of zyprexa. We need to find the right levels of zyprexa and effexor to move me into a "maintenance" phase of the illness now, rather than a "relapse" phase, now that everything is settling down.

That should please our marriage counsellor too. She keeps writing "no emotion" all through her notes because I have been talking in a really disjointed way. Emotionally removed from events in my life that should prompt at least some emotional response.

But other than that, things in my life are good. I am desperately awaiting the arrival of confirmation that I am enrolled for second semester at UNE this year. I can't wait to get back into study.

I bounce between just wanting to start something (like studying my old psych textbook even though they have now changed the course textbooks) and not having the energy to even think about anything. I hate waiting. And I have been waiting for this moment a long time.

I have sat back and watched from the wings while all of my friends have gone out and gotten degrees, had good jobs, bought houses and are now having kids and studying postgraduate degrees.

I am still waiting in the wings.... but not for much longer!

We had a wonderful night with the kids last Sunday night too at the village fireworks. Caleb burst into tears right at the start but warmed to them after a while. The display went for a really long time too!

That's it from me this week

I hope this post finds you all well.