9.11.07

Ups and downs here today.

Steve arrived this morning with Hannah and FIL. I was still in my pj's for crying out loud! So what did Dad do? He invited them in for coffee! Its one thing to have Hannah dropped off while I'm in my pj's but it is another thing altogether to have to deal with guests while you have that "I've just opened my eyes look".

Steve dropped us off to Poppy's where I had a chat with my family support worker and did belly dancing... don't think that I will ever become a master of that! But it was fun wearing the jangly scarves!

Hannah and I were dropped into town where we did a little bit of shopping and waited for Amy to come and pick us up. We ended up waiting for her at Gloria Jeans and colouring in while we waited.

Hannah and I snuggled in my bed for a while when we got home and watched Ice Age on the laptop.

After Steve picked her up, I sat and watched a couple of eps of Bionic Woman with mum and Amy and when Amy left I went and had a nap for a couple of hours.

After dinner I talked to mum for a while. When I was trying to arrange a lift home from town with Amy earlier today, she asked me if Steve was OK with me being alone with Hannah in town. So I rang Steve, and he said it was OK. But it ended up making me feel really crappy. Having to have restrictions on when and how I see my kids makes me feel like a bad mother and having them taken away from me makes me feel like I'm not good enough for them. Sure its a chance for me to get strong enough so that I can have them more often, but it still makes me feel like crap.

Have had popcorn, watched Futurama and Better Homes and Gardens, and now I think I will browse the new magazines that I bought yesterday and maybe do some cross-stitching for the rest of the night

Fi